you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
