I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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