You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
