Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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