I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
