Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
