She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
