i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
