my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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