how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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