Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
