just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
