Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
