Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
