The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
