Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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