He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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