please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize