Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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