You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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