dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
