Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
