it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
