Only a mothe r could love this liver
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
