dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
