He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
