he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
