you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
