Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
