I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
