My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
