Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize