Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
