He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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