A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
