Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
