I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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