can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
