Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
