At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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