Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize