There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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