ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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