he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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