You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
