fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
