At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
