I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
