I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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