I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
