unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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