No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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