Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
