I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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