I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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