omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
