Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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