so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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