Swine flu. Run for my life!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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