We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
